Let me point that out first (before my husband does?).
Or maybe the title should read more like, "How to Not End Up Like Me When Your 38."
That seems more plausible to my current state. And what is that state you may be asking?
I'll leave it up to you to decipher.
But here's a quick recap.
It's been awhile since I've written, maybe even a year or so since I've put pen to paper and jotted down an actual post that's more than a book review and which consists of more than just an encouraging note which I do love doing occasionally.
I guess this post is more for me.
Me talking to my almost thirty-eight year old self blatantly and honestly and not flowery of pose but downright just me, open, raw, bare writing.
So, yes, there will be grammatical errors and misspelled words and run on sentences and etc. etc. But whom am I kidding? I'm not writing for an award or for the hopes of being discovered, but maybe just to make myself laugh and feel uplifted and maybe a few other followers along the way. And Mom, I know you'll still be checking for those errors!
So How Do They Do It? It's been almost two years since I've had time to write. Sure I've wasted my fair share of too many evenings spent watching my shows on netflix (especially the ones in Spanish with subtitles!) but really?
Everyone always makes it looks so easy and flawless (I'm thinking of melted butter right now) and simple. All those mom writers with five plus kids they homeschool with a blog on the side that looks all bejeweled and bejangled (I can't even put mail chimp on mine) and with a facebook page that keeps spitting out posts every three hours.
It makes me want to crawl back into bed and weep (and watch my netflix) and throw myself a pity party with two children in pajamas watching me.
Yes, yes they work hard. I agree.
I guess may age is catching up with me along with my gray hair that keeps sprouting new follicles (or taking over my old ones) and I just can't keep up with it all, especially with the status quo. Oh yes, there was a time I could or at least I thought I could but those days are all done with and over and buried too deep to dig up with this back of mine.
Speaking of gray hair, the older I get and the more I see older woman I marvel about how they keep their hair so up kept.
I can imagine them having their monthly salon trips to get their haired dyed, multi colored highlighted and trimmed (yes I'm a tad bit jealous.)
I can barely afford the time or the money, so I opt for the six dollar box of dye that disappears in 28 washes because I'm too paranoid of using chemicals on my hair (I'm saving the chemicals for when I really need them.)
And I've just plain given up on finding a hairdresser that can cut hair the way I'm looking for. I always seem to end up with the new girl who just finished salon school less then a month ago and who just happened to have an open spot that day and whom I don't have the heart to say anything to.
Yes, it happens all too often to me.
And pedicures? Oy. Every time I attend my Bible Study I pray they don't ask me to take my shoes off because that will just happen to be the day I didn't get around to my toes or my husband didn't, I guess I should say.
Who needs a pedicurist when you have a carpenter for a husband? Yep, give him some sand paper a bucket of hot, sudsy water and let him go to town on the feet (he likes it), but who am I kidding myself the salon pedicures are better and it makes me uneasy..sorry honey!
And what about the teeth whitening? and the exercise classes? and the new clothes and skinny jeans?! I wore skinny jeans once at church but had to do an incognito button release because my ovaries were just screaming for air. I do like skinny jeans though.
#1 How to Keep Your Sanity-laugh, laugh, laugh!
So yes, six days shy of my thirty-eighth birthday (changing the topic here) and I'm driving my eight year old to his homeschool co-op (along with a four year old) in my car I purchased during my college years. That car should have seen the junk yard by now. They don't even make those cars anymore (I think).
Usually my husband drives it with all his tools crammed in it to work, but since he is working in a upscale, high end job he wanted the truck.
So I caved.
So there was I was at 8:30 in the morning praying it wouldn't rain because the husband told me the night before that yeah, the tires, are not so good and even in the rain they kind of slide. Of course he said all this with a smile on his face as he gave me a wink out of the corner of his eye, my mouth gaped open. (did I mention my husband has a.d.d.?).
So there I am bounding along morning rush hour traffic, foot to the floor, wondering what that popping sound coming from the wheel is or that sound coming from the tire was and just praying under my breath the way my mother used to, "Dear Jesus please get us safely there and then Dear Jesus please get us safely home." The kids of course in the back having a ball.
I tried not to think about what would happen if a car or my car just so lightly grazed another vehicle I'm sure it would disintegrate into fine pieces of orange, red, and brown flakes of rust. I didn't even think the horn worked or I was too scared to try it. And putting the visor down..unthinkable.
Then I tried to think positive and uplifting. I'm in the clunker everyone else will just stay away from me and avoid the car. Wishful thinking. They zoomed around me with sideways glances to which I smiled and white knuckled the steering wheel.
Once we made it to co-op, the parking lot shined of wax and dollar signs as I meandered my car through the parking lot. I looked down and avoided the looks that I knew we're coming. Just smile.
#2 How to Keep Your Sanity-Even when all is falling apart and looks bad around you and is not as it should be--smile.
Once home (with a child in tow with itchy throat who went to the nurse twice), it was dinner.
Potato soup. Yum.
If I could only count how many potato soups and bean soups I've had in the past month it would be more than enough to make any person gag. But I'm grateful, because I do really like potato and bean soups and my niece really likes her under-armour clothes for her birthday (at least I hope she does.)
Anyways, flicking the wrist, peeling potatoes, when my itchy throat, eight year old saunders up to me his arm at his side, his voice low and gruff,
"Anyone got any potatoes around here?"
I glance down at his side and notice the gleaming red and black plastic potato gun he'd gotten at awana the night before. I didn't even know they still made those. I didn't even know what to think except, "No way."
But of course I caved. And dinner was spent having small, kernel size, mushy pieces of potato being shot (no better word) at me as two boys shoved the gun into a potato, chasing each other around the kitchen. And the mess on the table was beyond reproach, but sometimes the biggest mess brings out the biggest moments..smile.
And it's just about time for me to do another ant walk through. Spring=ants=walk through of rooms, (we rent of course) because once they form a line it's just more work. So dinner, ants, and yes the gurgling sound coming from the shower drain after the toilets been flushed and the landlord needs to be told...again.
So yes, I'm that woman.
That woman who lives the above in a day and more.
That woman who buys one set of white curtains for her dining room (really eat in kitchen) because she just can't afford the second one just yet and forgets about it and comes back months later to find it's no longer sold. That woman who forgets she needs extra milk because of that potato soup, who needs to tape the labels back on the spices so she knows what's what, the woman who needs to throw out the two empty bottles of jelly in her refrigerator, who needs to wash more clothes, who needs to loose more pounds, who needs to love a little bit more and love herself and the list goes on but bottom line....
#3 Love Who You Have and Who You Are and Forget the Status Quo.
Yes, so this is a day and tomorrow, Lord willing, will be a day just like it because how we learn to dance through the moments is how we learn to live life happy. And all the every day ordinary moments become our holy ground, our holy hallelujah places.
And your hallelujah is beautiful, my friend. Happy birthday, 38 years young! Your wisdom is beauty + your words always hit in just the right, raw place that gives glory in the real everyday thick of it. Thank you for writing it all out, every last word.ReplyDelete
Thank you my friend! Your words bring such encouragement and joy to this weary soul (and to many others)..grateful for it all!Delete
Wow honey, beautiful humility. As I read I thought of Jesus on the cross saying, this is your new status Quo, eat and drink ye all of it! He is lord of the broken.ReplyDelete
Yes, always and forever.Delete