To My Ten Year Old Son, "You're Not Going to Make It."

{This post is part of five minute fridayA community of writers who write for five minutes ( sorry a little bit over today) on the word of choice. Today's word: Steady.}

She told me your weren't going to make it. 

Even before you were ten minutes old, there was no way you were going to make it.

I can remember it as clear as day. 

That's the thing about most Mom's. 

We can never forget when the hearts pained.

With belly still bloated and insides newly emptied and swollen they carried me to a wheelchair and rolled me into a room where they head pediatric nurse stood before me, straight faced and unsympathetic and all she said was, "you weren't going to make it and they didn't know why."

I knew something was wrong before that. 

I could tell by the look on my sister's face as she pursed her lips and shook her head from side to side at the very first sight of you. 

Blue. 

Your cry, a silent little plea. A soft whimper, steady and short.

I watched as they placed you in the cart and your little lungs shook hard and violently, struggling to release each breath that the little plastic frame that covered you would move with each inhale and exhale.

I wanted to reach in there and fix you. Fix your oxygen tubes in your nose, wrap you up nice and warm and hold you and tell you that "you were going to make it."

Fast-forward ten years on Saturday and you're here and maybe I've been told a time or two that you're still not going to make it.

And their right. You're never going to make it your going to surpass it, all.  





 You're tall and lanky with blue eyes and blond hair just like I wanted and what you now wished were brown. I tell you, you're rare, my rare bird. Your legs run their own race with limp arms that you wish could pull you up a little bit higher. They will one day. 

But you laugh, a laugh that's rare these days and you sing a song to your own rhythm. 

And you keep right along belting it out steady. I won't stop you. 

I'm not perfect, but I might just fix you though and tidy your hair one last time and tell you to watch out or you might slip and you just wave your hand at me and nod because you know. 

You know the road ahead of you is long and hard and much harder for you than some children, because you see yourself and they see you. A boy who jumps in the wind and whose blue eyes dart this way and that, and it's hard for you to sit still and make a friend, but when you do they stick with you because they see the you behind all the labels and your one cool dude once they know you.

You know the days will be long and that this Mom of yours will not give in or give up or let you quit or ever see yourself as being less than, because you'll always be more than with God. You'll be more than enough.



And no, I won't let you lay in waste and spend your hours in front of blackened screens and electronics that scream at you and pull you further and further away even though it's "in" and everyone does. I'll bring you back as I always do.

No matter how hard, I won't give in and you won't give up so you can go ahead and be that boy that jumps in the wind and who knows the numbers and names of moons unheard and who can swim hundreds of  yards in a day and who writes stories and the alphabet in Hebrew and Arabic and other languages. 

Because I believe all this is His plan, I have to and if I have to I'll set your sails high and I'll show you what I know and what I don't and we'll journey it all together. I'll make mistakes. You'll make mistakes. You're not alone there are others who love you and who will help you find, "You."

You'll find Something. 
You'll be Someone. 
You'll be just You.
Whoever God made you to be. 

You seek after Him and any door you believe is closed will become opened.

Your passage is never a dead end when you walk hand in hand with the Lord God the Creator of all men. Power does not come from you, but from Him.  Seek Him First and Steady your Sails to His winds and you'll more than make it you'll surpass it, all.


17 comments:

  1. keep steady momma... raising a boy that's growing despite the odds. Keep steady! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Annette. Thank you for your encouraging words..always steady!

      Delete
  2. What a sweet post. Your son is beautiful. Keep on trusting and believing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cathy for visiting and for your kind words!

      Delete
  3. OK, I think my first and second attempts at comments didn't take...so I'll try again!

    Bonnie, this is such a powerful testimony of love and faith! Your boy is lucky and blessed to have you as his mom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrew, thanks for stopping by. Our testimony to a life of Him is overflowing by our faith. Just as is your life and story!

      Delete
  4. Bonnie, your words. Your heart for your boy bless in deep places. God know what He was doing when He gave you the gift of your made-for-you son. I love hearing how God is molding you as you mother him well. Thank you for sharing this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeanne, thank you for your comments. I'm looking forward to meeting you at the retreat!

      Delete
  5. Love love love. Many blessings to you both!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Paula. Blessings to you as well!

      Delete
  6. To put it simply... this took my breath away!

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a sweet post...and a wonderful reminder of the gifts that our children truly are!!

    Happy Birthday to your sweet son!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer, thank you for your comments. Children are such a gift!

      Delete
  8. Bonnie, what a beautiful post. You embraced your gift. You see him for the wonder that he is. Isn't is affirming that God's hand continues to create him to be all that God made him to be? What an honor to see such a process unfold.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Stephanie. I'm learning just to embrace my son and love Him for who God has made him to be. Children are such gifts!

      Delete
  9. I was supposed to be a cretin/dwarf according to the doctors when I was born. Today I am 6' and even though my head is still ever expanding (HA!) I am not what they said! I had a severely underactive thyroid due to an x-ray procedure that My father made clear was not to be done. They did it anyway!
    Well God has finally healed me completely & I no longer take any medication for this. There have been too many who have tried to counsel me back into the hole that it's my "thorn in the flesh", but this just is not so.
    I don't need to argue because the healing speaks for itself. There are many that this will never be good enough for & sadly even some 'unbelieving believers still would have me take my med ust in case.
    But just in case doesn't work when GOd calls one out & says hey! do you want me to heal you?
    So it really ministers to read about Josiah..I was unaware & would love to know more!
    This sort of testimony is all too common!
    What satan can't kill outright He does what he can to frustrate!
    He forgets that all he throws at the children of God becomes something that strengthens us inthe Long run!
    No fun at the time that's for sure!
    Let me say, TRUE HEALING IS ABOUT TO BREAK FORTH IN A MIGHTY WAY !!!!

    ReplyDelete