I'm almost to 40.
Don't know how except for the good grace's of a great God that I'm still standing here physically all in one piece, but with a heart and soul that's cracked and ripped and ruffed at the ridges.
I might as well stand tall and wait, eyes closed for the next ice pick to be hurled my way.
Life's full of them. Things that pierce you straight through to the deepest heart of you and breaks you into a million tiny pieces.
And you're just begging for something or Someone to piece it all back together, to help you make sense of it all.
There's a bunch of us out there who are still standing strong and it's only because of a Savior who surrounds us and begs to just be Seen in return.
I can feel it sometimes going a little a flutter, that heart. Whispering that it's feeling the failures and frustrations that life's beaten over this back.
Like a fog rolling in over the sunsetted sky, I can hear my grandmother softly asking me if "I want a pen," yeah to write down my will or a will to live, to burn bridges or to build them, to be laughed out and to just not care anymore, to paint the town red and live a life of laughter.
There's so many things I wish I had done.
That we would have done.
That you and I could do.
But life's a cycle, a ride that you hold onto for dear life, and you get up and sometimes fake a smile, and just keep on truckin down the lane, because you have to, because down deep you really want to have a voice to be listened to.
In a home with kids and husbands and family and people everywhere, you just want for crying out loud someone to listen to you for a few seconds.
I've always lost at almost everything I've ever tried.
I've stepped on a million cracks.
But You. You listen. You are the truth holder. You, the light that holds the dark at bay.
But You, You make the lost the saved, the broken the beautiful, those who feel meaningless~Your word gives them a mission.
You mend the pieces of every wounded heart back together.
If I just worship you, I have won.
If I just worship you, I have crossed a million finish lines and never looked back.